Effloresce
by Lynn D. Mariza
Summary: Being reborn into the Kuchiki clan had its ups and downs, but life as a Shinigami? Well it sure doesn't leave you any time for regret. OC Insert


**Edited: **26/07/14

* * *

**Effloresce**

**Chapter 1**

**Note: **I mean no disrespect to any religion by any slight comment I may have made.

**Summary: **Being reborn into the Kuchiki clan had its ups and downs, but life as a Shinigami? Well it sure doesn't leave you any time for regret. OC Insert

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach. I only own the plot, Yuzuki and any other minor OCs. I also own the cover image.

**-oOo-**

**Re·in·car·na·tion **[riɪnkɑrˈneɪʃən]

_Noun _

1. The belief that the soul, upon death of the body, comes back **in another body or form**.

2. **Rebirth of the soul** in a new body.

3. A new incarnation or embodiment, as of a person.

**-oOo-**

* * *

**Jigsaw**

* * *

_It was unnatural, this feeling she was experiencing. Like an overwhelming sensation that rains…no floods upon her battered body. Darkness. She felt strangely weightless, empty and incomplete. She could see the tiny specks of light drifting away, tiny dots from far, far away. Her meagre sense of comfort followed as it plummeted down the drain. Separation. _

_Something is wrong. It's swelling. Energy. Pieces and pieces continue to scatter. Panic. She's scared, and oh god it hurts, it hurts so much. Her head felt like it was about to burst. Pain. _

_Her body feels hollow, no it's getting heavier, bigger…too heavy. She feels suffocated, squashed. Then all of a sudden it stops. She should feel relief, but instead she is only hit by continuous waves of melancholy. Sadness. She was grieving, but for what? Who was she? _

Being reborn was a nasty business. Your soul was basically ripped from your corpse, before being shoved into the tiny cramped space of a zygote. Though of course even with such a simple, but painful process things could go wrong.

I was probably just over-reacting, but my currently 'non-human' state upset me more than I ever thought it would. And it wasn't like anyone here would understand, after all humans were inferior here. I didn't look any less human and I had no horrible disfigurations - unless you counted that odd birthmark on my right foot, but even then it was tame in comparison to many others. It just felt shocking, being human was just always sort of _there_, it was the core part of my identity that no one could ever deny. But then again, I figured that my currently oh-my-god-I-am-not-human sort of phase probably had something to do with the whole death thing and all. Yeah, that tends to depress people. But for the better or for the worse, I was a soul now. And no, I was not transparent, nor could I fly or phase through walls (sadly, I had tried and failed – I mean I figured I should at least reap _some_ benefits from this whole process). And no, I did not have a giant hole in my chest or a chain like they did in Bleach. If not for the whole 'being born' thing, I would have truly believed that this _was_ the afterlife.

It was a major hassle to be struggling to pick up the language after having just escaped the confines of compulsory education. Though it was probably for the best that no one could understand my nonsensical blabbering. Especially considering the fact that I had been screaming to the world about being abducted by giants. Yeah, which was definitely _not_ the first thing a mother would want to hear from the lumpy thing she just pushed out of her body. And while I knew that I should probably be grateful about this whole new life thing and all that, I couldn't help but feel extremely frustrated. After all, what happened to that eternal peace thing that those fools were always blabbering about? Not that I had been particularly religious or ever lifted a finger for the greater good, but just what god had I gone and pissed off? I have been known as adaptive, but 'this' really topped the cake.

Though as my aunt would always say, "sometimes divine beings just like to shit on us and there is nothing we can do, but roll along in the mud, might as well have some fun while you're at it". It was difficult for me to adjust and look at these strangers as _family._ I had never thought that there would come a day where I would actually miss that hyperactive woman, but I did, heck I even missed her little eccentricities and weird habits. Though that was not all, the 'normal' from my first life was something that I would always crave, but remain unattainable.

But trust me when I say that if one is stuck as an infant with the brain size of less than a pea, you learn to be pretty appreciative of those people who change your dirty diapers. And it wasn't that hard to read the hurt looks (even with my horrible eyesight) when I refused to call my parents 'mama' or 'papa', so I guess in the end it was the guilt that got to me. The only good thing about this weird situation was that I had apparently 'lucked out' in my second life, not that I was poor in my first, but being waited on by several maids and servants kind of gives you a pretty good idea of your family's financial situation. Actually, while the whole being rich thing was great, the status of a cute toddler brought a new level of fun. After all, who would ever think of accusing the poor little baby girl with those innocent silver eyes of ever committing any evil?

* * *

Kuchiki Yuzuki. That was my name, a label of sorts and it was currently being a complete pain in the butt. I gave an irritated growl as I scrunched up yet another ruined piece of calligraphy. My hand was sore and aching from the unfamiliar hold, and the brush was definitely being pushed to its limits as I angrily stabbed at the ink palate. I puffed out my cheese in annoyance as I slumped down on my chair. My tutor gave a small chuckle, before allowing me a few minutes rest. Hiragana and katakana were fine, but kanji was definitely three thousand times harder. The strokes, the balance, the fluidity, urgh how I despised it. It was pointless, why bother making the words look pretty if the paper was just going to rot after a few years? As long as it was legible it was fine. Though I refrained from sharing these thoughts with 'baa-chan' as to avoid offending the only teacher that I actually liked. I had already chased away my art teacher with my 'lack of talent' and 'laziness', though it was hardly my fault. Who sits still all day to paint a nice pretty picture of flowers? I would much rather be at my dance lessons or hell even running. As it stands, my artistic skill did not exceed beyond the level of stick figures and even then they looked kind of sloppy. Nii-chan had resolutely told me that it was the circles (or the blobby things that I always have to defend from cruel comments) in his calm monotonous voice. Now, I loved nii-chan, but his presence was more often than not, something I could do without. Because, no matter what I did, he could always do it three thousand times better and he _always _had to find at least one mistake to comment about, in _everything_. Granted, he was also a lot older than me, but a girl still needed her pride.

"Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan! You zoned out again," Baa-chan scolded, with a shake of her head. "What am I going to do with you?" She mumbled as she gave an exasperated sigh.

I offered her a sheepish grin before returning to my current task. Though it wasn't long before another piece of paper joined the messy pile beside my desk. I resisted the urge to bang my forehead on the table as I turned to baa-chan with a lost look. I took care to tilt my head at the exact angle as I summoned just the right amount of tears for a shinier look. It was a very useful skill only perfected through years of practice.

"Baaa-chaaaan!" I whined.

I gave a victorious grin as I saw her resolve soften just the slightest, before she spoke. My eyes blinked innocently as she shot me an accusing stare.

"Think of the words as a whole, not individual strokes. That's the only hint I can give you. You were supposed to perfect this on your own you know. I am only here for supervision as Miyu-sama is feeling a bit under the weather."

I pouted, my bottom lip sticking out as I threw her another hopeful look. I was sorely disappointed as baa-chan turned the other way, her arms crossed in a mock-stern manner. I scribbled all over the blank page as I thought over her words. I rearranged all my paperweights, sorted my brushes based on their size, played around with my hair, tried to ask baa-chan to just show me the 'right' way (whatever that was) and…I am still stuck in the same desk and the same place on a new piece of paper.

In a way I was forever stuck in a loop, it didn't matter that I thought that my work was passable, the judgement always fell to another with standards that I could never top, unlike Byakuya. Though I knew that these tasks were not created to trap me, but to guide me; it was frustrating to be repeating similar matters over and over again without gaining some form of mastery. It was an intended means of relaxation, though my mind often argued against its efficiency due to the frustrations that the delicacy of calligraphy often brought. I watched with unblinking eyes as my brush swirled to form the same words again and again. The ink slowly staining the white before it was cruelly rejected and tossed out to join its kin. It was so boring. So mind-numbly boring as I sat at this desk from morning to night stuck with the same task. There were variations of course, from poems to historical literature, though my skills remained unsatisfactory. It was almost mocking as my brother's beautiful work was proudly displayed in this room, my room, as if further reminding me of my own shortcomings. Though of course, being the perfect person he was, it was not unusual for him to provide some insight to improve my writing. Practice does not make perfect, but practice does make improvement.

I slumped down on my desk, my hand randomly tapping on the wood as I stared back at the beautiful painting and neat writing from across the room. I groaned as I looked back at my chicken-scratch that was barely decipherable. Though a smile soon etched itself onto my pale features as I sensed the approach of a familiar aura. Abandoning my half-finished work, I jumped up to greet the only colour in my life (quite literally). Today, mama was adorned in a beautiful billowing kimono with long sleeves that made a soft 'whoosh' sound as she opened her arms to return my enthusiastic greeting. Her painted lips quirked into a whimsical smile as she gently ran her fingers through my hair. I vaguely recalled her giving a polite greeting to baa-chan, before she was interrupted by my insistent protests. I held my hands behind my back, hiding my fiddling fingers away from disapproving eyes, before seeking her attention. She gave a soft shake of her head, before finally breaking into a resigned look as if accepting the fact that I would never match the high expectations of the clan. Though I knew the truth was far from that, the bitter thoughts refused to leave.

I found myself being gently shaken out of my daydreams as mama gave me a concerned look. She gracefully lowered herself into a nearby seat, before discreetly dismissing my tutor. I felt my cheeks flush as she scooped me into her lap, coddling me like an infant. Comfort soon took me as I found myself relaxing under the soothing strokes in my hair. I felt the tension leave as my headache dulled, the usual 'static noises' fading into whiteness.

"Are your senses bothering you again?" she asked.

I gave a noncommittal shrug, before snuggling deeper into her embrace.

"You know your history lesson is an hour, you will have to get ready soon," she said, swiftly changing the subject.

At this I looked up to her silver eyes in dismay as I furiously shook my head.

"Please don't make me go back to that old fart!" I cried.

She merely raised a brow at my coarse words, before putting me down to adopt a mock-thinking pose.

"Saa, let's see." Her voice was teasing and light as she carefully judged my expression. "Perhaps, I should request for you to go over the wonderfully interesting history of the Kuchiki clan again."

I gave her a look of utmost horror as I crossed my arms in protest.

"Haha Yuu, you're just way too cute!" she squealed, before patting me on the head, abandoning all pretences of seriousness. "I was just joking. But Fujimaru-sensei is a very qualified teacher and I want you to remember that. His teaching style may be undesirable, but that does not mean that you can act in any disrespectful manner."

I gave an unladylike snort at her comment. He was just an old geezer who wastes my time doing nothing but making up tall stories and bragging about his supposed 'achievements', if he was so great then why bother teaching an 'ungrateful and untalented brat' like me? I have been on the receiving hand of his reprimands many times. And let me tell you that old age has definitely not dulled his sharp tongue. I have lost count of how many times his words have reduced me to tears, shrivelling up what little pride I had left. 'Teacher', what a joke, the only thing he did was point out my deficiencies before crushing my self-esteem. I was determined to prove his words wrong and studied diligently, though history still remained on the top of my most-hated subjects list, even topping calligraphy.

Fujimaru-sensei was old, not as old as Yamamoto-soutaicho of course, but still old. His voice was rarely raised above a whisper, demanding constant attention and focus, a nifty little trick. He was always cranky and his teaching consisted of nothing but his 'accomplishments'. His grey hair was peppered with bald spots and his face was marred with many wrinkles and frowns. I was sure that he hated me and I was very vocal in the fact that those feelings were mutual. I sulked as I recalled the disaster that our last lesson had resulted in. It had quickly escalated into a screaming match as he continued to insult me and call me _weak_. I may not be strong, but I was definitely _not _weak. Though it had been pretty short (It kind of removed the whole purpose when the other party refuses to speak loudly) and of course I had been reprimanded by ojii-sama. Mama just found the whole event very amusing.

"_Awww, my little Yuu has finally grown some guts," mama cooed. _

Not that she would act anything less than perfect in front of others. That was what it meant to be a noble apparently, to constantly slip into a mask, a perfect pure alias that could not be criticised. It was exhausting and of course like everything else, my brother already had the gentle demeanour that our aristocratic background demanded effortlessly under control. He hadn't always been this distant, in fact if I really thought about it, I could remember a time when he was a brash, loud and annoying kid just like...anyways, it wasn't important. That was _way _back, like when I was still a new born kid that constantly suffered from searing pain and headaches. My babyhood was a very unjoyful experience, though tricking people into doing my biddings was usually quite fun.

I let out an 'ouch' as I felt a hand give a small whack to my head. My eyes blinked rapidly as I looked to see mama with a very familiar looking pout on her face.

"Ne Yuu, you drifted off again and here I was planning to teach you something interesting today."

I gave an uncaring wave, before mirroring her pout. Though I quickly regretted it when she started squeezing my cheeks and cooing over my 'cuteness'. She did that on purpose…I was going to have to bring it up another notch. My plans were forgotten as her next words caught my attention.

"My little moon is so unappreciative," she whined. "And here I was, planning to teach her the basis of spirit manipulation. I mean who was it the other day who kept bugging me about learning the spiritual arts? Oh well, I guess it's about time for history now."

I quickly demonstrated my enthusiasm as I grabbed her sleeve, stopping her from standing up.

"Please mama, I want to learn."

She arched a brow as she gave me an inquisitive stare.

"I promise I will focus! Please, I really, really want to learn."

A smile stretched the corners of her lips as she positioned herself beside me. I turned my head to face her as she spoke.

"Tell me, do you know the difference between reiatsu and reiryoku?"

Shaking my head in confusion, I waited for her to continue.

"Now listen carefully 'kay ~ we don't want to go back to history, do we?"

The terror in my eyes was a good enough answer.

"Reiryoku or spiritual energy is the energy that is stored within your body." She paused, and I nodded to show that I was following her words. "But, reiatsu is different. It is your spiritual pressure, or the energy that is currently in use and is much easier to sense. Now Yuu, you possess large reiryoku reserves, but you have little to no control, which directly affects your reiatsu output. I am sure that lately you must have noticed _something_ different when you were particularly ah…frustrated when trying to polish your calligraphy skills."

I scrunched my eyebrows thoughtfully as I raked through my memories. I allowed myself to digest her words, before speaking.

"So basically, I have lots of potential, but no control, so my reiatsu is all weird?" I asked, looking up to mama for confirmation.

"Maa, well you can put it that way. But, you are a very special child, but that is expected…you are _my _daughter," she added, with a mischievous wink. I gave a slight giggle. "There are people with elementally-inclined reiatsu, and while this is…powerful, it is much harder to control. In fact, until you gain the necessary amount of control, your reiatsu will continue to waver and become a liability, it may take you years, weeks, decades, days, centuries, saa who knows?"

_Elemental? Me? Wait, what?_

I suppose I must have made a very amusing cross-eyed look, as mama just smiled before telling me to concentrate.

"I suppose it would be best to show you", was all she said as I started to feel the pressure build up.

I watched on in amazement, as I felt the spirit particles gather in mama's outstretched palm. It was small, but I could feel the power of the compressed energy. My eyes were locked on the glowing white sphere as I felt a surge of excitement. It was so _pretty _and just so _shiny._

I was going to learn how to do that? Awesome!

Mama smiled at my enthusiasm as she continued her explanation.

"As you can see, what I am showing you here is standard-type. It is what most people have. But you my little moon, your reiatsu is a bit different. It is wind-inclined. But I suppose you haven't realised yet, judging by your reaction." She heaved a sigh as she shook her head forlornly. "We will have to work on your awareness skills another time."

I offered her a sheepish grin before urging her to keep talking. She gave me a soft tap on my forehead, before telling me to focus again.

"Listen carefully, if you do this incorrectly, not only will you harm the people around you, you can also harm yourself. And as much fun as explosions are-" here her voice turned strangely thoughtful as an unreadable look crossed her eyes. "I am sure that your grandfather won't appreciate coming back to the compound to find that half of the living quarters have been burned down by his wayward granddaughter."

I was sure that she was exaggerating things, but I still grimaced as I imagined the scene playing out in my head. Okay, no explosions.

"Relax."

I was about to snipe back that "I _am _relaxed", before she shot me a stern look. I pouted and got up from my kneeling position, before awkwardly trying to imitate her. I crossed my legs and took several deep breaths as my eyes closed instinctively.

"Good girl. Now, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in and breathe out. I want you to slowly guide your spirit energy towards your fingers. Don't materialise it just yet. Just let it flow through your body."

My mind was devoid of thoughts as I tried to block out all possible distractions. It was hard, harder than I expected. I had found my reiryoku easily - after all my body was comprised of spirit particles, but controlling it was another matter. It was like water, constantly slipping through my hands, it felt impossible to grasp. Beads of sweat trickled down my neck and I resisted the urge to wipe it off.

_I have to concentrate. _

_Breathe in, breath out…_

_That stupid little-_

_No, must not lose concentration._

_I am gonna kill-_

_Breathe in, breathe out…_

It was stubborn and refused to succumb to my demands, which was rather irritating. I guess that this was what mama meant when she said that my control was pretty sucky.

I could've sworn I heard laughter.

"Don't try and grab it. Guide it. It should flow naturally, think about how you search for people. And remember, little steps."

Is that amusement I hear in her tone? She is laughing! Pfft, I'll show her.

Perhaps, I was being too hasty. I stopped trying to overpower it as I remained in my meditative stance and just concentrated on feeling my own reiryoku for a while. I tried comparing it to the people I knew: it was lighter than mama's and sharper than papa's, but not quite as soft as nii-chan's and nowhere near as strong as ojii-sama's. Instead of trying to wrestle with it, I decided to try a different approach. So in my mind I tried to picture a calm lake, unmoving and still.

I felt my energy relax as it stopped wriggling around like a sugar-hyped child. Okay, so far so good. The tiniest ripple appeared on my mental lake and I slowly guided it towards the centre, i.e. my target.

I gave a pleased grin as I felt a tiny trickle of energy flow towards my fingertips. It felt almost ticklish, and as more ripples appeared, I couldn't contain the excited squeal that escaped my lips. This was _fun_. Plus, I was currently defying physics, mentally, but still…it counts.

Unknown to me, who was currently occupied with teasing my reiryoku and trying to control my reiatsu output, a slight gust had already begun to pick up in the room. Mama smiled, pleased with my progress and so (with her permission) I spent the rest of the day playing with this newfound 'toy'. And the best thing was mama forgot all about my history lessons for the next few days while we focused on tackling my reiatsu.

* * *

I frowned as I stared distastefully at the childish design on the yukata. I turned to whatever-her-name-was who was nervously shuffling behind me, before giving her an angry glare.

"Get me a new _kimono _now. Where is Chika, she should be here! Plus, she would never pick such a horrendous outfit. Don't you have any eyes?" I demanded.

I gave a small smile as I saw the panicking look on her face as she tried to get the right words out, but instead ended up all tongue-tied. It was quite amusing really. I was feeling quite sadistic today, having recognised her from the other day I was returning from my dance lesson. I had performed an epically embarrassing fall right at the ledge the exit and of course stifled laughter had quickly followed my clumsy stunt. I couldn't remember her name, but who would ever forget such a face, marred with ugly freckles and acne scars. Her body had no curves to speak off, she was thin as a pole, though that was by her own choice. My face twisted into a disapproving frown as I recalled the abandoned dishes I found those few times that I had snuck into the kitchen. And worse, she was part of that gossiping troupe who kept talking about how 'hot' nii-chan was. How annoying, as if hearing my tutors gushing about his brilliance wasn't enough, now I had to hear about his 'flawless shining hair, and beautiful eyes like finely-cut onyxes' even in my spare time. Her voice was an annoying squeaky sound which was an unwelcome change from Chika's usual cheerful chirps. I found myself missing the warm bubbly personality of the older girl as I stared at her temporary replacement in distaste. From what stringy-and-dry-messy-hair here told me, I had gathered that she was quite sick. I needed to remember to save her some of her favourite chocolate rolls after this troublesome event. I mean socialising was so 'overrated', just a bunch of snobbish stuck up pigs trying to constantly out do each other. Though I had to say mama really threw the best parties, probably even better the Shiba clan, though I couldn't say for sure. I had never attended one of their birthday bashes and strangely enough they were usually omitted from the guest list. Probably because of the fact that they had been booted out of Seireitei. Oh well, I didn't really care, just another annoying fact from 'recent history'. Curse that old geezer and his love for long, boring and sadistic assignments. Just when I thought I could get some free time after doing his latest torturous tasks, mama had decided to throw me to the wolves once more. And this time there was no escape or Chika to help me.

"Yuzuki-sama, Yuzuki-sama?" called an uncertain voice.

I frowned at her usage of my first name before snapping at her. This whole 'party' situation was already stringing up my nerves could she at least try and be a considerate soul and turn off her loud breathing. Plus, her flickering reiatsu was giving me _another _headache.

"Um...ojou-sama, I have prepared your outfit, would you like me to start fixing your hair?" she trailed off uncertainly.

I glared at her for implying that my hair needed 'fixing' before dismissing her, as if I was going to actually let _her _touch my hair. I tapped my foot impatiently when I realised that though she had edged closer to the door, she made no move to leave.

"What?"

"Etto, um…Miyu-sama told me to stay and make sure that you wouldn't try to escape again."

Really, for spirit's sake that was when I was fifteen, was she going to hold that against me forever? I was just a toddler back then. Sighing in annoyance I decided to cut the girl some slack…for now. I mean all the pent-up stress had to go somewhere and I was definitely _not _going to explode at my mother. I dressed in my kimono before tackling my sweat-filled hair (just started training with my brother's old instructor). Idly fingering my black hair, I thought about mama's beautiful scarlet strands, I had always wanted red hair, but instead I possessed the same shade of black as every other Kuchiki clan member. I frowned when I looked into the mirror to find rat-face staring at me. Taking a deep breath, I began my calming ritual. Smoothing down my kimono with one hand, while fixing the flower in my hair with the other, I pasted a beautiful smile on my face, before turning back to approach look-at-me-I-am-as-skinny-as-a-skeleton.

"I apologise for my previous rude behaviour, I have been…stressed by many events lately. Now, I hope it would not be too much trouble for you to inform my mother that I am ready," I politely stated, taking care to crinkle my eyes slightly as my cheeks flushed in an 'apologetic manner'.

She immediately started stuttering out an 'it's okay' and some other stuff, I really wasn't listening, but one thing was for sure was that 'no, she didn't understand', but whatever, she had already left the room. I paced around the room, not daring to just randomly sit down on my bed, the last time I had done so my kimono had taken on the most stubborn crinkle which was conveniently located near my butt. It was a mortifying experience, but at least I was still just a kid 'who didn't know any better'.

I almost yelled in surprise when I found myself tripping over…nothing. Thankfully I managed to brace myself against a nearby cabinet in time before I carefully stepped over the ledge of the exit. Can't afford to trip and change into a different kimono right now. My fingers reached up to massage my pounding head as I neared the designated room. The maid from before was nowhere to be seen. I tried to smooth down my scowl as I felt the inconsistent reiatsu, urgh kids. I never did understand why the piggish excuses of nobles _always _felt the need to bring their annoying brats with them. And worse, I was 'subtly' encouraged to socialise with them as papa was worried that I was ostracizing my own age group. I sighed again, before fiddling with the flower in my hair. "Might as well pick the least annoying way and get it over with", was my only thought, but sadly while my sensing skills have never failed me, it didn't exactly help in picking the quietest kid. In fact I was pretty sure that I had somehow ended up with the loudest one of the bunch.

The Ōmaeda family had only recently risen into riches, not quite at noble rank, but they were already more powerful than many minor nobles. It would be beneficial for me to befriend at least one of their children as ojii-sama had subtly hinted towards and I suppose he wasn't _too _bad. Marechiyo's reiatsu was at least decent and not fluctuating all over the place like many of the others' were, which I was immensely thankful for and the whole reason why I chose to approach him, he felt the most stable (in fact some if the kids were so pathetic, that I could barely sense their signature). But, he was eating, constantly, it was annoying and I dislike the loud crunching sound that the rice crackers made. He also happened to be spilling the crumbs everywhere so I had to try and dodge them. But the other thing was his scarf, that obnoxious purple excuse of fabric. It hurt my eyes, if we were going to be friends, that thing needed to go first.

"Yuzuki-sama, Yuzuki-sama?"

I blinked rapidly when I felt Marechiyo look towards me in confusion. I must have spaced out again. I continued to walk around aimlessly, leading him around the compound, until I remembered something very important, something that could change my life.

"Ne Ōmaeda, your sister isn't here is she?" I asked.

"Mareyo, nah she's still just a baby," he mumbled.

"I was referring to your older sister, Maremi," I corrected, while fiddling with the folds of my kimono.

"Ah, she's sick today, she really wanted to come, but…"

I could've leaped for joy, but instead I covered my victorious grin, with an awkward cough.

"Yeah, what a…pity," I murmured while giving him a dazzling smile.

Internally I was dancing with glee, that the she-demon wouldn't be getting her chubby paws on me any time soon. After that last disaster of a play date coincidentally with Ōmaeda Maremi, my parents had decided that it would be best for me to take this whole 'make-a-friend' business at my own pace. I swear I was mentally scarred from her first and last visit. I had heard that babies were cute, and I was the best example, but I admit I was a little curious as to what a Ōmaeda baby would look like. I almost shuddered as I recalled the family traits that they all seem to share. I thought back to his parents as I wondered what their combined traits would mean in a baby. His father was rotund and his triple-chinned face was covered with a mess of brown curls unlike Marechiyo's smooth black hair, though if you peered closely you could see the definite resemblance between him and his son. I was ashamed to admit that I nearly screamed when I saw his mother the first time. She bore a very striking similarity to Maremi. It was quite distressing, really. The same too-red lipstick, the same too-strong jaw and the same annoying fake laugh. Yep, they were related alright. I felt really sorry for the poor kid, Mareyo, I pray for you. Marechiyo seemed to have sensed my curiosity and had started bragging about his family. I had a feeling that he enjoyed hearing his own voice, there was no other reason for a teen to be talking so much. And I was supposed to believe that he was quite a bit older than me. Though he seemed like he cared quite a bit about his family and baby Mareyo sounded 'normal' from his descriptions…. It would be cool to have a younger sibling. Preferably not a girl, a little brother who I could spoil. I smiled at the thought, a perfect scapegoat for my ingenious pranking plans. Yes a little boy would be better in that case, no competition. Plus it would be cute to have a chibi Byakuya around.

"Yuzuki-sama?" He asked uncertainly.

I blinked, before turning back to him, what was he saying again? Something about ojii-sama…

"Yeah Ōmaeda, you were saying?"

And then things got strange when he started acting properly with manners befitting of his station. It was weird.

"Would you like me to escort you outside the compound, Yuzuki-sama? I have already been given permission by Kuchiki-sama," he stated.

_Wait as in papa, mama or ojii-sama?_

I was faintly surprised by his formal tone, before his words sunk in. I nearly jumped up for joy, before reigning myself back in time. I disguised my squeal as a cough, before telling him to lead the way.

_I actually get to go outside for once? Hell yeah! I loved this kid._

* * *

Seireitei was busy and full of life and I paused to look at all the different places and people (mainly shinigami) as they paced around the streets. Though I refrained from visiting any of the stalls and instead just observed the different people going in and out.

_Why are they all walking so fast, are they in a hurry?_

Marechiyo eventually led me to Shin'ō Academy, which was definitely the highlight of the day. I stopped for several moments and just took the time to admire the impressive architecture. We were not allowed to go in and I had to physically restrain myself from giving the guard a piece of my mind.

_If he knew who I was, he would be singing a different tune…_

Though despite having to stand a distance away, I could still feel the energetic vibrations of the people in there and I couldn't help but feel excited for when it was _my _turn. I had a great day, despite the fact that I kept getting rice cracker crumbs in my beautiful hair (how does his supply not run out?)

Though very soon we had to return to the compound and I couldn't help but give a disappointed sigh.

"Yuzuki-sama?"

I turned towards him, before giving him a grin. Though my eyebrow twitched when I had to crank my neck to look him in the eye.

"Thanks…Marechiyo."

He grinned, before continuing to brag about his room, how he was going to join the academy blah blah blah. I gave an internal groan, before I started tuning out his words.

Why did this feel like it was going to be a familiar routine? Urgh…

* * *

There were times when my body and mind aren't in sync, I'm not sure how things work, but time flows differently here. I was never an adult, but a baby's body paired with a mostly developed mind was a tricky combination. This world was foreign to me, the energy particles that are now so familiar were once my greatest fear. I was scared, I was forgetting things. It was inevitable, but I felt like a traitor. How could I just easily forget them, the people from my first life? Their faces were just mere blurs now, I can't quite recall their voices. I was never close to that many people, but was my relationship with them really so shallow?

My legs were screaming in pain, but I didn't dare stop running. They were chasing me, those blank faceless creatures, they were screaming something. They were calling me, calling my name, but it wasn't Yuzuki. I had to keep running. Though the chase soon came to an end when I reached a cliff. How did I end up here? I was in a dark cave just minutes ago. What happened? I froze, this was too high. I made the mistake of looking down, I gulped nervously as I resisted the urge to puke. They edged closer, I tried to move away, but my body would not follow my commands. A slimy hand reached out to grab my foot and then I fell. I was too scared to cry and then all of a sudden I woke up.

The room was dark, and the familiar glow of the moon was smothered by the greying clouds. I timidly grasped the edge of my blanket as I curled myself into a ball. My hand gently cradled my right foot as I felt a deep searing pain in the oddly shaped mark. I was scared, the candlelight from other rooms created eerie shadows on the paper screens. I was no longer a baby, I couldn't blame my body this time. I tried to reason with myself, but my mind was spooked as my body flinched at the slightest sound. It was a windy night. I found myself slowly shuffling out of my room, my blanket trailing on the floor. Stopping at the room next to mine, I hesitantly knocked. The door slid open and mama greeted me in surprise.

"Yuu! You should be asleep right now," she chided softly.

_Mama I love you. I'm scared. Please don't make me leave. _

I mumbled something incoherent before tugging on her kimono. She scooped me up, blanket and all and took me inside her room. I sensed no other presence nearby. Papa was probably staying at sixth division tonight. I expected her to ask me questions, to scold me, but instead she just laid me on the bed, before removing the blanket from my tight grasp. She sat on the edge of the bed, the flame illuminating her red hair as she hummed a lullaby. I laid there in peace relishing in the way her reiatsu coiled around mine protectively. It was a warm feeling and I felt my own energy settling down as the wind stopped howling. My eyelids felt heavier as I slowly drifted off, my smaller hand never letting go of my mother's protective grip. I felt safe. This was where I belonged for sure. I should've never let something like a silly little dream scare me. I gave a soft purr of content as I felt her fingers slowly run through my ebony black strands.

"Sleep tight my little moon. I love you," the woman gently whispered as she pressed a loving kiss on her baby's forehead. She smiled to herself before continuing to hum the traditional lullaby, though the melody was not known to have any connection with the Kuchiki clan.

Her thoughts wondered, before muttering to herself:

"I should tell Chika, before she freaks out tomorrow morning when she finds that Yuu isn't in her room. That girl, always such a worrywart. She works too hard, but then again…"

_Yuu__** is**__ a loveable child . . . _

I woke up the next morning to the smiling face of mama. I couldn't help but notice the dark circles surrounding her deep set eyes. She must not have slept last night. Though before I could even apologise I was swept away in a flurry of limbs, clothes and tangled hair. I stifled a yawn before stretching, fiddling with my yukata awkwardly. It wasn't as if my clothes weren't comfortable, quite the opposite actually. My yukata was quite short and the fabric was stretchy, easily allowing movement. But I was confused especially when I noted that mama had abandoned her usual fancy kimonos for simpler clothing, which was quite…'revealing?' But her red hair was tied up in a ponytail instead of cascading down her back. I was not prepared when she rushed at me with astonishing speed yelling something like:

"Come on Yuu, it's time for you to learn the rules of tag!"

Needless to say, I lost. Every. Single. Damn. Time. And I was so exhausted that I immediately collapsed into bed every night. It wasn't till weeks later that I realised that I hadn't had a nightmare in ages, I was always too tired…

* * *

**Reaper**

* * *

_Perhaps it was a fluke, but I felt it for sure. It won't hurt to check, right?_

I rapped on the door lightly and the crease between my eyebrows grew as no sound came out of the room. She was in there, I could feel her reiatsu. Making a rash decision, I slid open the door and stepped in. I spied her in the corner, her usual proud figure was hunched up as she slowly crushed the piece of paper in her hands.

"Mama, what are you doing?" I asked as I reached out to touch her shoulder. She looked so…fragile, it wasn't right.

She peered at me through her fine eyelashes, her lips quirking upwards, not quite reaching a smile.

"Maa Yuu, you're too cute, you know?"

I had heard these words many times, but this time, they were barely above a whisper and the usual light-heartedness was nowhere to be found. She looked…defeated.

It was slow and very awkward, but it just felt like the right thing to do at that time. I wrapped my arms around her and just stood there, not knowing what to do next. I was useless. It was hesitant, but soon she returned my half-hug. I pretended that I didn't notice her shaking shoulders or the wetness that was soaking through my shirt. Time had seemingly stopped then and it was only after several tense moments, before she finally spoke. She seemed almost cautious and dare I say it…doubtful, as the words tumbled out of her mouth.

"Ne Yuu, promise that you won't ever leave mama 'kay? Promise me." her voice sounded desperate as she tightened her hold around me.

My mind couldn't help, but-

**- Flashback Starts-**

A woman sat near a crib, undried tear tracks still running down her pale cheeks. Her form was crumpled and her eyes were heavy and laden with sleep loss. She seemed to be unaware of the constant calls of her family or the growing stack of uneaten meals that lay beside her. The only thing that was on her mind was her daughter. She seemed to have aged years in these few days and her youthful face was marred with wrinkles gained from worry.

"Yuu…my little moon. Please, wake up. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

She continued muttering her apologies like a mantra as she clutched her hands together in a silent prayer.

_Please give me back my daughter, please…_

"Don't leave me, don't ever leave mama, please!"

**- Flashback Ends -**

- I don't know why that scene popped into my mind, or why I couldn't recall it before. But the image of mama's crushed form seemed to be playing in a loop. I wanted to shake her, to just shake her out of this slump, but instead I stood frozen unable to move or say anything. An uncomfortable silence stretched out as I tried to form words, but nothing came out except a choked sound from the back of my throat. My mind was blank as I struggled to say something, _anything._

The last thing I remembered was:

"Yuu, I just want to be alone for a while. You understand don't you?"

I wanted to yell at her, to scream that "no, I didn't understand", but then she had already closed the door behind her, shutting out the rest of the world, including me.

Two days later I found that my uncle had died, killed in action.

**Few days later in Yuzuki's history lesson…**

"Brat! Are you even listening to me?" a raspy voice asked.

I frowned as I heard his voice. I was not in a good mood.

"No, I'm _not _listening to you," I replied.

I flinched as I saw the heavy book he was holding slam down on my head. I tried to hold in the tears as I angled my face away from him.

"Don't you play cheeky with me, I am not going to indulge your childish desires."

I shot him my most vicious glare that could even make Marechiyo cower. He didn't even blink, before continuing to lecture me in a near-whisper. I stopped talking and strained my ears to hear him. Though before I realised it my thoughts had drifted off once more.

_Why isn't mama talking to me? Is she eating well? Papa seems sad too. He hasn't been back home in a while-_

"You useless, lazy brat! Listen when people are talking to you," Fujimaru-sensei angrily snapped.

"I'm not useless," I quietly mumbled.

"What did you just say?" He demanded as he slammed his book down onto my desk with a heavy thud.

"I SAID I'M NOT USELESS YOU STUPID OLD FART!"

"I'm just saying it how I see it. All I see in front of me is a weak little girl who can do nothing, but cry. You've been too spoilt."

I stood up, kicking away my chair angrily as I looked him in the eye. But he was far from finished.

"And you wonder why you are being ignored? Your mind is polluted with selfish thoughts and your pride is often misplaced. You are not fit to be a noble. Your mind, body and even your spirit is weak. Yet you still talk of becoming a shinigami. Save your efforts for other things, you will die before you even make it to the living world. Give up, you will never amount to anything more than a housewife."

_You foolish girl, give it up before you perish in the process. Protect that innocence. Life is not as easy as you think, do not go down the same path I did. Give up now . . ._

And then he left. He fucking just left in the middle of the lesson. He left me crying like an idiot. The tears were unstoppable as I crouched on the floor. My hands gripped my brush tightly, uncaring of the strained wood. It snapped in half. I could feel my reiatsu spiralling out of control and I hurriedly tried to reign it in. I was not _weak, _he was wrong. He had no idea of half the things I had to adjust to. He had no right. I sat there waiting for my body to calm down, before wiping away my tears. My expressions dulled as I slipped into a porcelain mask. I was _Kuchiki _Yuu, I don't just cry. I sat on the floor and meditated as I tried to sort my rage-filled thoughts. Getting up, I slowly made my way to the separate study as I greeted baa-chan with a warm toothy smile and overly enthusiastic hug.

_Perhaps, I was laying it on too thick…_

Nevertheless I settled into my lesson and began tackling the hard task of poem writing. But as my hidden-so-well-that-I-can't-find-it artistic sense continued to fail me, I found my mind floating towards a different subject.

_If I ever get my hands on that bastard, I will-_

"Yuu-chan Please stop making such a scary expression. I can tell that you are in no mood for calligraphy today."

I blinked in surprise as I quickly broke free of my increasingly violent thoughts.

"But baa-chan, I'm fine!" I valiantly protested.

The benevolent woman only arched a delicate brow in response, before giving a hopeless sigh. Raising a ringed finger, she gestured at my paper.

I winced, the brush I had been holding had involuntarily snapped and my kanji was filled with mistakes and smudged with ink splatters. Not my best work.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Now that you've calmed down a little. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

I shook my head as I stood up from my desk to stretch my limbs. Smoothing down my kimono I kneeled down neatly next to her, my hands automatically falling in my lap as I corrected my posture. I didn't look at her.

If she was discouraged by my unwillingness to talk she didn't show it. Instead she began rambling on and on about many different topics. From the weather to her "cute misunderstood grandson" (her words, not mine). So I just closed my eyes and just listened. Though my expression never once changed, I admit that it was calming to just relax for a change.

"Now, is this about Miyu-sama?"

My eyes flickered open in surprise. I had to give her credit, one minute she had been rambling on about _watermelons _of all things and the next thing I knew, she had changed the subject so smoothly that I never even realised. She didn't pause or stutter in her speech and I was sure that I had an almost comical expression on my face by now. Calming myself down, I slipped my mask back on, before turning around to look her in the eye for the first time in this hour.

_If you don't let them in, they can't hurt you. _

"Sensei, ojii-sama would be displeased to find out that I have been slacking off without his presence. I believe that it's time to return to the lesson," I politely stated. My tone was even and I gave myself a pat on the back for not giving in to that look – the look that pretty much screamed I-thought-you-were-better-than-that.

Without waiting for a response I turned around before I could see the brief flash of hurt that crossed her eyes, I had been doing that pretty often lately, first Chika and now baa-chan.

_What is wrong with me? Why do I always hurt the people closest to me?_

I returned to my practice, making sure to keep my hands steady this time. The words flowed onto my paper, but they lacked the usual 'flexibility'. They were rigid and overall looked horrid. I stabbed the ink palate with my brush as I silently threw a fit. Baa-chan made no sound of protest despite the fact that this was the second brush I had ruined beyond repair today.

I paused in my movements as I felt a hand gently taking the brush from me before patting my head.

_Mama? _

No. This reiatsu was green.

"Baa-chan?" I croaked, before promptly bursting into tears for no damn reason. My body was not cooperating with my mind.

She didn't say anything, she only offered me comfort as she gently stroked my hair and whispered soft words that I could never quite hear. It was just like when I was little, I haven't changed at all.

It took quite a while, but very soon the shudders in my body had reduced to tiny sniffles as I untangled myself from baa-chan's lap. She patted me on the back gently, before ushering me onto a soft cushion, which I promptly collapsed on. She opened her mouth several times to speak, but she always stopped half-way. Finally she decided to settle on the most direct approach and just let her words flow.

"Miyu-sama has been…distant lately, but that doesn't meant that she-"

"No one ever tells me anything! It's as if they don't trust me. Do they think that I'm too weak to handle myself, is that why they always baby me?"

I clasped my hand onto my mouth in surprise as my eyes widened in horror. Where the hell had _that_ come from? My body had seemingly acted of its own will. I really needed to get a hold of myself.

"Now, Yuu-chan Miyu-sama is just grieving in the only way she knows how to. She isn't shutting you out on purpose…she just doesn't want you to see her while she's in that state. You know, Miyu-sama's brother was actually Sōjun-sama's best friend. That's how your parents met, those three were practically inseparable. It was a pity that you never got to know your uncle, but you have to understand that she doesn't hate you, neither does Sōjun-sama. They are not leaving you out on purpose."

I folded my arms before muttering:

"Of course I knew that. I just felt like, felt like um…being dramatic. That's why. I'm not actually sad or anything."

She only chuckled before ushering me back to my room.

"If anyone asks, I gave you permission. Just rest you look you need it," she muttered before handing me over to a recently recovered Chika, who immediately began fussing over me. Apparently I looked a bit 'sick' to her, so I definitely needed some rest. I placated the brown-haired girl by promising that I would get plenty of sleep and gulping down her homemade chicken soup.

That night, mama paid me a surprise visit. She looked pale and a lot thinner than before, but that could have just been my mind playing tricks on me.

"Soooo…what's this I hear about you being on your death bed? You look quite healthy to me," she remarked before placing her hand on my forehand for good measure. "Nope, but it's not a surprise that some people think you're ill, you do look quite dreary if you ask me."

I scowled at her, before sitting up on my bed.

"One word. Chika."

She nodded in understanding.

"The maids' gossip network seem to be as large and untrue as ever. One morning I had a stomach bug and started to vomit, then by afternoon your papa had come running to me all flustered, because he thought I was pregnant. This was before I had your brother, so he was basically freaking out," she laughed.

I giggled as I imagined papa losing his composure.

"I wish I had could've seen that happen," I mumbled.

She quirked her lips into a smile before stating: "Well I have seen funnier things, though I had to admit your papa can be pretty amusing…"

I tilted my head. "Like what?"

"Ah, I guess you're too young to remember. But you and Byakuya, why you two used to be as thick as thieves. There was that one time when you were still little, that you thought it would be funny to braid flowers into his hair when he was asleep."

My eyes widened at the thought.

"Really," I asked in disbelief.

"Really, really. You though he was your older sister at first."

Mama was laughing hard as she recalled her fond memories from my childhood. We spent the rest of the night giggling and talking about the merits of Byakuya being born as a girl. He really was too pretty to be a boy.

* * *

**Transience**

* * *

I often hear that good things come in bundles, but apparently bad things do too. It all happens in a sudden and then everything just starts going wrong . . .

The first sign was my parents arguing, I mean this was '_mama _and _papa'_, they just don't argue, they're not supposed to argue, it defied logic. I mean they were practically _made for each other_.

I knew that it was rude to eavesdrop, but I decided that it couldn't be helped if I just _happened _to overhear.

_Ouch, I think mama's voice just reached a new decibel ._ . .

**- Inside the Room -**

Both sides were angry as each refused to back down. For once Sojun Kuchiki had discarded his usual nonchanlant air and his expression was positively livid.

"Miyu, well you just listen to me! There was a reason you resigned from the Gotei 13-"

"Oh no you don't! I was forcefully pulled out by you and your meddlesome family. _You _just wanted me to be some helpless housewife didn't you. Well you got your wish, I am only completing my _duty_." She spat out the word as if it was some nasty disease.

"Your body wouldn't have been able to support you if you had accepted that promotion," her husband argued desperately, his slate-grey eyes pleading for her to understand.

Her nostrils were flared in anger as she glared at him, she stomped her foot down before continuing her rant. Her reiatsu flared wildly as she got more and more angry.

"I could have just been demoted to an unseated officer, but _no _you insisted that I retire. I did that. You told me to stay at home and complete my 'duty'. I did that. And now you actually have the _audacity _to tell me to give up this child. How dare you!"

He tried to touch her, to calm her rage, but she flinched back from his touch.

"Miyu, I love you and I did that for your own good. Even Unohana-taichou said-"

"Well, Unohana-taichou is not always right!" she declared stubbornly.

"Please listen, remember what happened with Yuzuki, we don't want something like that to happen again," he reasoned.

"Yuu is _fine_ and could you just-" she paused as she tried to calm herself down. Her eyes softened as she took in her husband's frazzled experience. She let out a long sigh, before smoothing down her kimono. Brushing back her bangs, she took a moment to recompose herself before speaking.

"Please, let me do this. You know why! Byakuya is going to leave soon and-"

"You'll still have Yuzuki, you know?" He uttered softly.

"You've seen how incredibly smart she is and her sensing skills are unbelievable, I should know, I'm the one who taught her! And very soon she's going to follow in your, _our _footsteps, it's in her blood. Please, it will be fine, I promise. Let me do this."

He looked defeated before he finally lamented to his wife's desire. Despite his doubts, he gave a reluctant nod, before locking his wife in a passionate kiss.

"You better keep that promise."

_Please I can't lose you too. _

**- Scene Ends -**

It should have been a joyous occasion. I had been looking forward to it, I mean it made mama happy, how could it ever be _bad? _

But yet here I was, kneeling at my mother's side as I-

Papa and nii-san had already gone in. What was I supposed to say?

_Why? Why do you have to leave me? Weren't you the one that asked me to stay with you forever? Don't leave me mama, please! _

I felt like our roles were reversed as I helplessly gazed upon mama's bedridden figure, my beautiful, strong mama. Just minutes ago, her womb had been swollen with life and now-

She had been talking, joking and laughing as if everything was going to be fine. It wasn't.

But I didn't say anything, I couldn't! How could I when she looked half-

"How is he?"

Her voice was soft, unnaturally so and her words were croaked in between deep gasping breaths.

"He's beautiful, his hair is red just like yours mama," I uttered softly as I found my tiny hands reaching out to latch on to hers.

She smiled weakly, content as she gestured towards me. I complied as I leaned in.

"Ren…Kuchiki Ren," she whispered, her pale hands reached out to gently stroke my hair. I leaned down as she kissed me on the cheek one last- no please no!

"Yuu, my little moon. Your father and Byakuya too, they both don't know when to take a break once they start working. Look after them for me will you? Ren is still just a baby, but I know that you will be a great sister. And remember look after yourself too."

I tried to tell her to stop, my vision already blurring from the unshed tears that I was trying to hold in.

"Mama, you're going to be fine, please stop talking, save your-"

"Shhhh, I know my body and condition better than anyone else. Listen Yuu…afterwards, go into my room and in the third draw of the first cabinet, there will be a box. When you find it, open the box, I want you to have what is inside. I actually wanted to give them to you later, but-"

"Mama, I-"

My world _shattered_ as I felt her reiatsu vanish completely, gone without a trace, her hand landing on the sheets with a final thud.

I nodded blindly as my tears broke free.

_I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry._

_Please don't leave, please don't leave me alone. _

It was a pain that I had never felt before. My heart ached and even simply breathing hurt. I let out a feral scream as I clutched onto her hands like a lifeline and sobbed into her sleeve. I felt people coming into the room, and someone removing me from mama's body. But, nothing mattered anymore. Life felt empty_. _Mama, my mama, she was _gone_ and my brother, my poor baby brother…

Kuchiki Ren was stillborn.

* * *

Character Names – By Order of Appearance

* * *

**Kuchiki Yuzuki****朽木優月**

朽 (kuchi) "rot" combined with木 (ki) "wood"

優 (yu) "gentleness, superiority" combined with月 (zuki) "moon".

'**Kuchiki' Miyu****朽木美結**

美 (mi) "beautiful" combined with結 (yu) "tie, bind".

**Chika****千佳**

千 (chi) "thousand" combined with 佳 (ka) "good, fine"

**Kuchiki Ren ****朽木蓮**

蓮 "lotus"

"White lotus flowers represent a state of mental purity, and that of spiritual perfection; it is also associated with the pacification of one's nature and is considered to be the womb of the world."

_Adapted from: Lotus Flower Meanings_

* * *

**A/N: **If anyone is interested in the theory of reincarnation you should definitely check out research/cases by Dr Ian Stevenson. It's very fascinating.

So how did I do? Review please!

Thanks,

Lynn


End file.
